The Courage To Begin Again

I admit that some nights, when I sit in the corner of my bed, I attempt to revisit the world that we created, the life that we shared, and the moments that we made. I play different scenarios in my mind, and I wonder if in another universe or in another lifetime, we would still be together. I try to picture myself staring at you from a distance, with a tight smile fixated on my lips. I imagine myself feeling lighthearted by just having you around me all the time.

I close my eyes and try to remember the sound of your voice, and the way you called my name. I dig deep down in my memory and search for the details of your face. I allow myself to recall how it used to make my adrenaline go wild, and how you used to make me feel lucky that I was alive.

But as I open my eyes and be greeted by the silence that surrounds me, I am reminded that you’re gone. I have no right to call you as my own. Because you are leading a life far different from mine.

And I wish it would only takes few days or few weeks for me to completely detach myself from you, from your influence. I wish that I could simply declare to myself that I’m over you, and my heart would be ready to take a risk again. But it’s not that easy.

I can’t just erase you from my memory. I can’t delete your number, your pictures, your connection from my stubborn heart. And I’m not sure if I want to remove you from my life at all.

Because you were once important to me. My world used to revolve around you. I clung to you as one of my source of happiness. I looked up at you when I badly needed an inspiration. I loved you the same way that I love the people who are important to me.

But now you’re gone. Now that I’m certain we can't go back, I have to slowly pull myself away from you, away from the thought of you. I have to be brave enough to accept that there’s no more us, no more you and me, no more happy endings. I need to give up the temptation of calling your attention, during the surge of my loneliness.

I owe myself to have a fresh start, and move on.

There is no point in dragging myself backwards and living in the past. I need to begin looking for ways to be happy again. I need to begin falling in love with my life without feeling like something is missing in my heart. I want to feel comfortable every time I spend my time alone. And I like to be able to roam around the world with no insecurity about the things that I don’t have.

It takes a lot of patience and endurance, but I know that it’s the right thing to do.

I don’t want to waste my prime years wishing we could be together. I have to find the courage to believe that life will give me better memories, and better experiences.

I have to learn how to be okay with endings.

Because if I don’t want to let my failures in the past affect my present, I have to stop looking back. I have to be focused, and be thankful, for the things that I have in my life right now.

I need to commit myself into believing that you’re not meant to stay in my life. And try to be okay with it. 

Fools Rush In : A Cautionary Tale

It's ok to be single!

Sometimes you might feel like everybody around you is in a relationship. This can be tough, especially if you feel pressure to be in a relationship. 

Everyone is different. We all want different things out of life. There are lots of reasons why you might not want  a relationship right now, and might be happiest single.

There are also a lot of great things about being single:

Your decisions only affect you and don't involve a partner's wants or needs.

You can concentrate on doing things you enjoy.

You can spend time with your friends and venture to new places to make new memories.

You can meet new people and not have to worry about a partner's jealousy.

If you do choose to be single, it'll give you more free time to do what you want, like:

Hang out with friends and rekindle old connections

Focus on school and/or work

Enjoy extracurricular activities, like learning to play a sport or acquiring new skills

Reflecting on why you are choosing to be single can also be empowering. Maybe at this very moment being in a relationship isn't something on your priority list. You may have a sense of independence and you feel like being in a relationship will hold you down.

If you don't feel like you're ready for a relationship, then don't rush into it. If your feelings change in the future, that's okay too. In the meantime enjoy yourself and everything around you being single.

So, to everyone who is bothered by the fact that I don’t have a ring on my finger yet, hopefully this helps you understand that I am most certainly not bothered at all, and you shouldn’t be either. To everyone who believes that marriage is the sum of everything in a relationship, that it is a point to reach and a destination at which to arrive…please, slow down. Recognize that relationships must be nurtured, and they must grow at a healthy pace. You have to see what you have before you, and remember that no era in life can ever be returned to again. I guess it all comes down to being in the moment, and appreciating that moment for everything it is, instead of frowning upon it for everything it’s not.

WHY DO SOME PEOPLE RUSH INTO MARRIAGE?

"Marriage is a huge step of faith and commitment between two people, one that shouldn't be entered into lightly."

Marriage is a huge step of trust and commitment between two people. It takes a tremendous amount of hard work and self-sacrifice. It is heaven if you’re ready for it–and hell if you’re not. It should never be entered into lightly. There are, however, many women and some men who feel like they can’t be a complete person unless they are married. Many of them are looking for another person to solve their many problems and help them feel whole. For your information, only God can meet our deepest needs. It is so important two people come together out of their strengths, and not their weaknesses. Never ask your marriage partner, or anyone else for that matter, to meet the needs only God can meet.


Women are also driven to marriage out of an inborn desire to have children. Studies show some women are waiting longer to have children, yet the desire to be a mother can be very strong, even at a young age. And many rightly understand how raising children is more effective within a committed marriage relationship. This pressure to have children sometimes pushes a woman into making a rushed decision about who she will marry. Some tend to forget that who you marry is the second most important decision you will ever make.


SOME OF THE REALLY BAD REASONS WHY SOME PEOPLE RUSH INTO MARRIAGE

GET MARRIED OR GET DEPORTED?

You done fell in love with a foreigner, and your visa is expiring soon. Unless you tie the knot, you're going to get deported. Guess what? If it's meant to be, your relationship will survive the time and space.

HE THREATENS TO LEAVE

If he's pressuring you to get married quickly, it might be because he wants to lock you down before you get to know him very well. If he threatens to break up with you if you don't marry him soon, then consider yourself spared.

IT'S CHEAPER

You don't want to live together before you're married, but sharing expenses is a heck of a lot cheaper. My advice is to get a roommate until you're really sure you want a permanent roommate.

BABY MAKES THREE

It's one thing to move up a wedding date in a long-term relationship should you find yourself unexpectedly expecting. But don't rush into it because of the baby. Divorce is going to be harder on that kid down the road than never experiencing his parents in a romantic relationship together.

And for my last word:

Do you yearn to be married because you believe it will make you feel complete? Understand that marriage doesn't complete you. If you think you need to be half of a couple to be all of who you are, you're engaging in "wrong thinking." You don't need to be half of a couple to be complete.

CONTEMPLATE ... !

**ellyierre**

EDUCATION: The Liberation From The Bondage Of Ignorance And Poverty

Inspired by this young girl and 2 beautiful and smart women of strength and perspective, it took me an urge to write about "education" and "poverty". Not to exult but accede to the value of education regardless of social distinction.

Apparently, nowadays, for most parents, poverty is a hurdle to obtain quality education for their children. It is vividly obvious and disgusted that everyday, we see the difference of educational privilege between affluent and indigent.

Perhaps, these fortune less class of individual's comprehension about quality education requires banknote, and that is what I am trying to disclaim.

During my school days, my parents were capable to send me and my brothers in a well established and recognized private school. I was able to avail that chance and as I abound, I went beyond accomplishments. The world comes in reverse when I am now a parent who sends my children to school. At times, economic depletion is distinct that I worry about my ability to give them quality education. But it proved me misguided. I am a single mom who is raising two kids all by myself. I work hard like hell to provide their needs along with patience and determination. I am highly committed on my profession and medical practice and there were chances that I almost forgot that I am a mommy of two students. My duty for them as a mentor has almost gone in vain. But whenever I remember they need my support morally, financially and scholastically, I try hard to be one step closer. My earnings were not enough to sustain the needs but it was never a hindrance for me to give quality education my children deserves. My girl who is in 2nd Year High School (Grade 8) is doing perfectly great in all her academics as well as in non-curricular activities. She is holding 3 consecutive years of scholarship at school and her tuition fee is at no cost for me. I am thankful that this institution provides a program which conveys scholastic recognition for distinguished students opening up contingency into a higher form of education. It turned out that in fact, it is not the social cachet which becomes the basis for a predication of learning but the intellectual dimension of an individual associated with motivation and hard work.

**ellyierre**

My Big A

And I find him cute :)

Initially, its all about attraction. More likely, attraction at first sight. And for an interest in getting to know more, there has to be that desire to make a connection.

I see him once and thinks he's cute.

I see him twice and smile at each other.

I see him the third time and wanting to say "Hi". (the basic idea behind the attraction theory of proximity).

It makes me weak when he smiles, that I wanted to smile back even for no reason, then I am suddenly all too aware how my heart skips fast. But I stay pro! However, I keep things in perspective, keep calm, cool and collected. Seems like I have to keep an eye about "hooking up". We just became actual friends and I CANNOT and WILL NOT ruin this friendship (an ordinary friendship with an extraordinary guy) with feeling I already know are unreciprocated, so I better hide inside my shell. Always a heavenly adrenal rush is coming into existence the moment I sit beside him, having smart conversations, sharing ideas, having someone whom I am confident to talk about my feelings, my what abouts, who I can connect to so closely without speaking that much.

I am the girl who wishes to see him everyday, the one who blushes when he look straight into my eyes when we are talking. Lately, he's been my constant adviser. He is such a clever friend who shed some light over me in my moments of doubt, and I'm glad I can rely on to his advices. When sometimes I reacted without thinking, on an impulse, he always says the most intelligent things, he always comes up with the most opportune considerations, and I just love his well-balanced thoughts. I always look up to him for being positive. And I just soooooo love the friendship......


**ellyierre**

A Lot Like Love

Many things come unexpectedly , but I think that one thing that comes unwittingly to many of us is love. That feeling that rushes over you without warning, and though your head may tell you no, your heart screams at you to pay attention. But we're all too ignorant, stubborn, or in too much denial to notice.

At one moment you want to rush into everything, you want to dive into all these feelings.

Whether you're starting a new relationship or feel yourself developing deeper feelings about one you've been in for a while, you might wonder if you're falling in love. It can be tricky to tell, especially when a relationship is new, whether or not it's love or just an intense admiration.

HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU'RE FALLING IN LOVE?

If this special person is the first thing on your mind when you wake up, and the last person on your mind before you go to sleep, and the person you think about the most throughout the day, you've probably wondered if you're in love. You might sporadically call or text them during the day to ask them how they're doing or what they're doing later just to keep the conversation flowing. Your mind and you're heart may be in the wonderful stage of being in love.

SO WHAT IS IT?

Love can be expressed in many different ways because it has no set definition. It's a feeling, it's a mood and it's also a different way of thinking about someone. When you love someone you invest a lot of time and effort into that one person. You may spend so much time thinking about this one person that you feel  certain other relationships or interests become less of a priority. Love is not always a fairy tale and intense feelings can sometimes get a little confusing. You might feel the sense of being in love early on in a relationship, after time and deep talks about your feelings for one another or, even, for an ex. Love can be expressed by telling to "get some rest" or "you should relax, you've had  along day." Love doesn't always need to be expressed from "I love you."

**ellyierre**